Your Radically Obvious, and Silly Hint For the Day

If you want to be happy, and think happy, then surround yourself with happy things.

And no, I don't mean "what makes you happy," because sometimes people don't understand why the music or games or shows they love don't radiate sweetness and light.

We're talking comedy, happily-ever-after, cartoons, comics, and someone like Chani, Dale or Susan. You know. Happy.

Oh! And Lolcats.

Nobody Knows the Trouble I've Seen

I may, in fact, suffer from a rare and embarrassing condition: peopleneedus.

I think I may needus people. They make the days more fun.

Which is actually kinda sad considering how much I tend to bash on their rather silly group (ok, and individual) behavior or cultural norms. I'm rather like the guy who can tell you just how bad everything on TV is but can't turn off the tube.

But that isn't really giving us enough credit--because one of the things I love so much about people that I may need(us) them, is the fact they can be such beautiful and nice creatures. We are and odd bunch of planet walking lunatics.

Speaking of walking the planet like a bunch of lunatics--I read a fantastic rule for exercise over at Zen Habits today; it's the two day rule--you can miss one day of your exercise, but not two. I know that sounds stupidly simple, but it has been my experience that stupidly simple is often what works the best.

Of course those crazy barefooters have run out of cherry vibram soles. I have to wait to order mine. Makes me sad.

Have a great weekend all you beautiful people!

Poetic Mood--It Strikes!

We are beautiful
when we are kind—
we become praise
we walk in sun rays
we are and give off light.

We were made for each other.
To live for each other.
When we move and reach
we become complete.

Whole.
Wholly beautiful.

Today

I wish I could have a day in my life with a whole new way of looking at it and doing things. New eyes and a new brain.

I wish I could shave off every little have-to I've ever bought into, and start back at the beginning with the only three things that matter to me;

My family.
Joy.
Giving of myself in love.

And While I'm In A Geeking Mood

Ladies and gentlemen!

I'm sure you all remember the epic Nerd-Test extravaganza. Who's a geek? Who isn't? Am I just a wannabe?

Is it "epic fail" to actually want to be a nerd?

That was an exciting time. I'm sure.

But I've always wondered . . . and since the tests show I am in good company to ask . . .

What is your personal opinion on the difference between nerd, geek, dork and dweeb?

And yes, I know what a gamer is. That's pretty standard.

And Now I Shall Geek Out

Rock.

Paper.

Scissors.

Lizard?

Spock?

And! It has a T-shirt.

Steiner Bound

Yesterday, we went up to go hiking. We missed the turn off for Crystal Lake Loop (shucks) and went up to Steiner instead.

I missed the place.

We missed Rob too, who is about the only guy left there who might possibly vouch for us. He went down on the "staff bus." Now that sounds like a good idea. Instead of saying "hi" we just had a quiet lunch down by the lake.



Bug was delighted with the plethora of STUFF. He kept picking up sticks and rocks and dropping them in favor of the new one he saw.

I kept trying to get him to look at the camera . . .



. . . then Daddy rattled the wrapper of a Powerbar. It's hard to tell Powerbar and Snickers bar apart when you're going by wrapper-crinkle.



Val was happy to pose!



Bug--not so much.



But we can get him every now and then.



I tried to get Adam looking all natural, but I never have much luck with covert photography. Usually they look blurry, or I get Val picking his nose.



So I had him pose again. I love it. 5 years of marriage, and I still can't get enough of this man. Right up until I'm ticked. Then I tell him I've had enough--but I guess that just means my cup runneth over.

And you know, they say a man never changes . . .


(Halloween '00)

I think . . .


(Steiner '01)

. . . they may have a valid point.

Marry what you like ladies. Marry what you like.

And (btw) I love my hauraches



but they have their limit. 10,000 feet is about that limit. Ankle deep mud. Large rocks. Small rocks. And then this:



Yes, a mid-snow bank rescue. Z didn't realize it was cold until he fell, and touched it with his hands. Then he wouldn't move. Just stood there screaming.

Anyways, the hauraches didn't survive.



But they looked like they had a fun life, didn't they?



We headed home shortly after the snow-bank incident. Fun was had all around.

Alright--one last camera-hog shot:

And Here: Ridged Thinking

We took Val into the Developmental Psychiatrist to be evaluated. I said he was "normal." The doctor smiled and said that it was just to check if there were any symptoms--it would give us a clue to what we might expect with Zane. He could have just come out and said, "Hon--you don't got one clue what normal even looks like."

I guess I had a sense something might be a little different about my oldest because the month preceding the appointment, I kept coaching him to appear as un-autistic as possible. My husband was ready to gag and beat me.

It didn't help. He was still a little weirdo.

It was, however, one of the funniest conversations I've ever had the joy to witness. I wish I could have recorded it. This serious man asking questions, and Val just bouncing off topic (and off the wall! He looked totally hyperactive half the time)--and talking about how Ironman was his favorite movie (great parenting moment, there)--and how "Jeremy told Navi to shut up!" (this poor doc has no clue who Navi is, but all Zelda fans will sympathize with Jeremy's outburst)--when asked about the difference between sad and mad all V would say was "mad as hell!" (you can just hang parent-of-the-year award around my neck any time now)--and he would argue venehmently with the doctor about the nature of reality verses imagination; "Pretend your friends made fun of you, what would you do?" "They didn't." "Yes, but pretend they did." "They didn't!" "I know, but can you pretend? What would happen if they told you to shut up?" "They. Didn't!" (the doctor was very thick--he just didn't get it. Really, I'm impressed how patient V was with him . . .)

At the end of it all, when I was done holding my head in my hands and alternating between giggling and moaning, the doc said he thought Val fell on the spectrum for Asperger's Syndrome. I'm not sure he would techniquely qualify for a diagnosis, but the kid sure does show some signs.

Very ridged thinking which manifests itself with bossy behavior, insistence of only one way of doing things, etc. A totaly handicap with pretend or imagination (I've noticed this one for a long time, it always bothered me). A difficult time understanding emotions, especially in others. Awkward behavior in social situations. That kind of stuff.

The doc kept talking about how Val would totally not be an issue because he was an extrovert. "Those guys are usually good, because they really want to learn all the social rules." I'm happy for that. I worry myself enough over the youngest.

In fact the "diagnosis" only really has 4 major points and 1 minor point.

Major Points:

1) We now know it's more likely (but not certain) that Zane might have Asperger's rather that PDD-NOS. We'll know for sure about Feburary--by that age nearly all Asperger's are up and speaking like pro's--while the PDD still have the language delays.

2) You know that hyper-activity? It's not hyper-activity. It's my little extrovert's manifestation of social or situational anxiety. If the school wants to drug him to calm him down, I have the paperwork that says that approch will only make it worse, and we'll have to work together to find another solution.

(The way the doc tested this was pretty dang cool. Very sneaky. Whenever he was talking to V off-set, or non-directly Val would sit still and talk. But when he faced him head on, or leaned in the little boy would start bouncing, slithering and wiggling.)

3) I can tell his teacher that most of the time his bossy-stubborness isn't biligerance, it's his ridged thinking. I can then teach her what I've been doing to help move him through the day. . . huh! No wonder all those autism-techniques have been helping him! My little ridged thinker.

4) If I want to go through the trouble of creating an IEP, then I can actually kinda ask/require the school to make a little effort to coach him on social situations and interactions.

So . . . not much really. It explains a little about his behavior, and why he seems just a tad bit off. But if we had never found out, we'd be doing the exact same thing we'll be doing now. Now we just do it with a little more understanding.

As for the minor point:

1) My husband now mercilessly mocks me for being Asperger's. Watching me wig out when he does is apparently really funny.

"You're Asperger's!"
"You're a mollusk!"

I'm not. Not really. I have too good of an imagination. And while I'm a little awkward with social situations (aren't we all?), I'm good at intuiting and understanding emotions in others and myself.

I am, however, a rigid thinker. I have deep sympathy with my boys. I'll be right there beside them teaching them what it took so long for me to learn.

"Yes, I know they're doing it wrong, but you still have to let them."
"It's true there's a better way, but some people just like to try something else."
"Differences are not always flaws. At least that's what everyone tells me."
"If your plans get screwed up too much and your world is falling apart--go hide in the bathroom until you feel okay again."

. . .

Hmmmmmmmm. Alright. Maybe I have a little Asperger's in me. But aren't we all a little autistic?

Random Here: Hauraches

I'm in a fabulous mood. Fab-u-lous! Wanna know why?

I'm still running! Ha! No injury!

I could now spout all the random statistics that I pick up about how regular exercise hugely decreases your chance for depression, or how regular exercise can help regulate hormones, or how people who exercise regularly report greater feelings of contentment. But--I won't. I'm never quite sure of the numbers. But I am darn sure they have totally nailed this one. Woot.

Note on my haurache sandals; I've switched over to parachute cord, but I think I'll be moving to leather. You can drop a bit of shoe-goo to make the knot on the bottow last longer, but the tension where the cord come up from the sole at the toe just tears that cord apart. Especially if you're tying the cord tighter each time because the leather is starting to get sloppy. So I'll probably be trying out the cherry-vibram sole next too.

But I'm really working on running just barefoot-barefoot. It takes time. But I learned my lesson with the first round of three inch blisters--I'm careful. A little further each day. Then I toss on my sandals. Oh, I love it. The total owning-of-one's-sensations feels just like when I started running in high school. No iPod. No agenda. No journal. You just run.

Very Supportive, and a Little Weird

A first in my life--joining a community of strangers in order to "socialize" online, especially with forums. I've never wanted to. I've never needed to. And I know the tendency for the internet to make people sound occasionally much dumber than they normally are.

I mean . . . come on . . . I blog. I know that.

Anyways.

But I did join the Autism Speaks social network so I could ask questions and pry into more experience than I have right now. I had plans to lurk. You don't get to be incognito when you blither into a community all about supporting people in a hard time. I was there for three hours and had 4 welcomes, including one with a mat.

"It's a little creepy. They treat me like they know me--a long lost friend. One of them."
"Honey, you are one of them. Congratulations! You're one of the parents with disabled children."

*Slamming*Head*On*Desk*!*

I hate it when he springs stuff like that on me. I'm still in denial, thankyouverymuch!

I started my own discussion, and so far, I haven't had any violent reactions, tart arguments, or voodoo curses. I consider that success. And maybe I'm a little happy about it. Maybe this forum stuff ain't so bad.

Haiku Friday: Been a While

frazzled - distracted -
a smear of purple and deep pink sunset . . .
lost.

Making Way; Autism Book Reviews

I've been slamming through books like a nut. I've had a lot to say, and more to think, but no time to say it in. I have a moment now, and thought I'd drop a line.

I read 1001 Great Ideas for Teaching and Raising Children with Autism Spectrum Disorders. Great book. I don't think I'll wind up using most of those ideas--one rarely does when they pick up a book like that--but it does teach you how to think creatively, to get your wheels spinning. I'll buy it, but I don't think everyone would find it that valuable. But I do think each parent with an autistic child, should give it a chance.

I've also gone through a ton of websites (autismspeaks.org is still my favorite) which have covered the basics is the different types of therapies. Then I pick up a book or two on the matter to look into it a little further.

I think ABA is worth looking into for therapy because it has such a well established system of tracking and documentation, so it can be shown to be effective. A good book that goes just a little more in-depth is Right from the Start: Behavioral Intervention for Young Children with Autism. I won't be buying this one. Even if I was going to do ABA with my son at home, I wouldn't pick it up--a little too basic. Not enough how to. But! It is a great book to read for a better understanding of the process.

But I won't be doing ABA (not the drill or discrete trial training anyways--I'll cover pivotal response in a moment) at home. I love the idea, but two things make it hard for me: 1) that's a lot of time to drill a poor 3 year old, and doesn't seem like a hugely rewarding childhood, 2) realistically, I wouldn't do it. I just wouldn't. It's far too alien to what my life is like, and all the other things I need to do. If I could afford to hire an expert to do the rest of the 25-40 hours a week that his special ed pre-school can't cover, and he wasn't progressing without it; then I would try it. But poor is where we're at, and so I'll be trying other (cheaper/easier) methods first.

Which brings me to Overcoming Autism. This is probably going to be my Autism-Bible. It's based on the ABA-PR (pivotal response) model. You used the basic technique of ABA training, but you weave it into daily life, and your child's interest. You also focus on the most important points--or pivotal behaviors.

I love this book and method for many reasons. 1) It's a breed between Parenting with Love and Logic, and basic problem solving with a very healthy dash of calm and patience added. I'm familiar with all of that, and so I feel like I'm walking on solid ground. 2) Even I can do it. While I would love to get an expert, if I can never afford one, I would be able to carry on a fairly good program all by myself. 3) The rules are basic--the application is individual. Call me wacky, but the fact I have to think and be creative to address the Bug-specific issues appeals to me. Wish I knew why. 4) Hey! The rules are basic! I can create a note-card for every new process with maybe five lines on it, and hand it to the lovely people watching my kid. Simple. Simple.

I could go on and on.

But here's my major selling point: it's a darn shame this was written for autistic kids. Because this is probably the best how-to parenting book I have ever read. I'm already starting to use it on my older, non-autistic son, and he's responding amazingly to it. I think that any parent of any child would be glad they had read it.

Here's to hoping it works.

There are many more books I intend to go through. Especially floortime, and RDI, and one on sensory issues. I'll give those reviews and recommendations as they come. But right now I feel like I finally have my feet on the floor. I can now spend most of my time being the parent, wife, homemaker I need to be, and not just researching all the time. I have the beginnings of some therapies in place, and I know what to look for (or fight for) in a good pre-school. I'm so utterly relieved I found a base.

Oh! And the best recommendation I can give for the financially-challenged parents of autistic children; in Salt Lake there is something called Parent Center, it's a resource for parent's of children with disabilities. They have classes, lectures, information, recommendations, all kinds of things! As far as I can tell, most/all of it is a free resource. I have every intention of using it! Find that kind of free resource where ever you might be.